


Screw chess

by ValkyrieShepard



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-21
Updated: 2014-12-08
Packaged: 2018-02-22 02:32:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2491247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ValkyrieShepard/pseuds/ValkyrieShepard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen had thought he was straight. But then that mage had shown up and wormed his way into his life, and onto his chess table.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Screw Chess

**Author's Note:**

> Has this been done?

Cullen didn't know how exactly it had happened, but he found himself looking forward to his weekly chess matches with Dorian Pavus immensely.

Well it wasn't quite true that he had _no_ idea…

At first the mage’s constant flirting, lewd jokes and arrogant attitude had annoyed him. He had tried to stay as far away from him as possible, to only enlist his help when he really needed it.  
But there was more to Dorian than he let on at first sight. His quips could be smart and sarcastic, his expertise went beyond the magical, and in that regard he was already incredibly skilled.  
Combat, healing, arcane knowledge… Cullen came to rely on him.

Then at some time the flirting and smart comments had become less irritating, until he didn’t even notice anymore.

And then one day… he might have even started enjoying them.

He hadn’t meant to say it, but after it had slipped out of him Cullen had to admit to himself that he had gotten comfortable around Dorian. Perhaps too comfortable.

It had been a routine patrol, not something Cullen would usually do himself, but he had been cooped up in his office for far too long, worrying about strategies until his entire back had tensed up. So he welcomed the chance to stretch his legs and enjoy the fresh air. For some reason once Dorian heard about his leading the patrol, he immediately insisted on coming along.

But _of course_ his patrol couldn't be a quiet stroll around the Keep. _Of course_ a dwarven merchant on his way to the Keep lost control of his oxen. _Of course_ the wagon went over the cliff and _of course_ Cullen had to be the one to lay down on the edge of it to pull up the merchant.

Dorian claimed his robes were far too expensive to be ruined by something like lying in the dirt, and besides Cullen was far stronger than he, a measly mage.  
He had just rolled his eyes at the other man and gone to work.

The dwarf had slipped too far down, was barely hanging on to a very loose looking vine. Cullen had to slide down further, but if he did he’d be in danger of falling himself.

“A little help here, Dorian?”, he called, head tilted slightly to the side to make sure he had heard him. “Press me down, hard.”

“You will say that again later tonight”, the mage replied chuckling, and already Cullen could feel his hands on his ass, pushing him down. He was too concentrated to realize where Dorian pushed him down, it just mattered that he did.

“I just might if you do well enough”, he mumbled absentmindedly as he finally grasped the hand of the panicking merchant.

When the dwarf was finally safe the three of them were sprawled out in the dirt, Dorian smirking at Cullen despite his now after all ruined robes.

“What?”, Cullen asked, a little out of breath.

“‘I just might’?”, Dorian quoted and only then did he really realize what he had said.

Cullen could only stammer something about not meaning it, he was distracted, and other nonsense like that.

Dorian didn't say anything further about the “blunder”, only gave him that smirk from time to time. It never failed to distract Cullen from whatever he did at the moment.

But it didn't mean anything and in time he got a little more active in their banter - though just a little.  
He got very comfortable around the other man, and somehow they ended up meeting more often in private, where they discovered their mutual fondness of chess, which turned into weekly matches.

They never missed a week, sometimes even playing in the dirt while travelling to take care of an urgent matter.

Except there had been that one week - last week to be precise. After they had returned from that disaster of a patrol Cullen found himself waking up in the middle of the night with a raging erection. In his dream, which he could remember all too vividly, he had fucked Dorian until he had begged, until he could only call out Cullen’s name as he found his release.

Not a female version of the mage, there had been nothing feminine about him - just Dorian. And he had enjoyed the dream immensely…

After finding his own release by stroking himself to the images from his dream that had been burned into his mind, whispering Dorian’s name into the darkness, he couldn't bear to follow through with that week’s match.  
But he had gotten over it, was able to talk to Dorian again without thinking of their bodies writhing together in pleasure, breathlessly calling out each other’s names.

Well… almost.

“Here I am, Commander”, Dorian hardly ever bothered to knock, and he was the only one who could get away with it. “Prepare to be defeated.”

Cullen looked up, but the smile immediately vanished from his face.

Instead of Dorian’s usual, comfortable robes the man had decided today of all days was the time to wear leather armour. Tight fitting. Revealing. Highly impractical for combat. Highly effective to distract Cullen during their chess game.

“This is so unlike you, Commander”, Dorian commented as he made his final move, utterly defeating the poor excuse for a defence Cullen had managed to come up with. “You seem to be distracted today.”

“I am”, Cullen said, leaning back in his chair. He sighed. “You have been distracting me.”

“And how on earth would I be doing that?”

There it was again, that smirk that told him Dorian knew exactly how he could distract him. The bastard. He’d been playing him in more ways than one today. Perhaps longer. Two could play at this game.

“Do you ever mean any of the flirting that you do? With me…”, he asked suddenly, catching the mage by surprise.

“Why do you ask?”

“Well you do flirt with everyone…”

“That does not mean I am not serious about it.” Dorian got up to walk around the table, and Cullen thought that this man should not be able to sway his hips like that, and yet he did...to come to a stop in front of him, leaning back against the table. “Where did this come from, Commander?”

The smirk… the _damn_ smirk told Cullen everything he needed to know.

He abruptly pushed Dorian away, who only barely managed to catch himself in time, to not fall onto the floor. He watched Cullen sweep the chess set off the table, which fell onto the floor, scattering all the pieces around them.

The straps on Dorian’s leather armour seemed to be made for him to grab them and he pulled the mage close, so close that his now rapid breath intermingled with the other man’s. They stared at each other for a few heartbeats, Cullen searching for some sort of confirmation, finding it in that spark in Dorian’s eyes.  
He pushed the mage onto the table, who gasped at the loss of air when his back hit it, but that smirk was back, and Cullen leaned in to practically smash their lips together. He rested his arms on the table on either side of Dorian’s head, but if this position was uncomfortable, he didn’t notice.  
Could only notice how their lips pressed together, how Dorian softly tugged on his lower lip, prompting him to part them and let their tongues meet. He tasted like spices and magic, the urge to explore every part of him only intensifying. Dorian slid his tongue along his lip, only the softest of touches, making Cullen sigh into the kiss.

He barely noticed when Dorian wrapped his legs around his waist, what he did noticed was the way he pushed their crotches together. Both of them were already halfway hard and Cullen had to stop the kiss, to gasp against the man beneath him.  
Opening his eyes he looked into Dorian’s. This didn’t feel strange, not at all. This felt right.

“My…”, Dorian whispered, letting his hands trail up and down Cullen’s back. “I did not think you had it in you.”

“Oh you know nothing yet…”, he replied and leaned down again, this time pressing a kiss to the corner of Dorian’s jaw. With the Templar Order and now the Inquisition, he did not have a lot of experience, but he had some tricks up his sleeve… A few kisses to the other man’s jaw, he licked along the shell of his ear before starting to suck on his earlobe.

“Ah”, Dorian gasped, exactly what Cullen had wanted to hear. The mage’s hands were still busy with his back, and suddenly he felt sparks running through his whole body, sparks of pleasure, sending more blood down into his crotch, and only when he realized this was actual electricity running through him he moaned breathlessly into Dorian’s ear.

“Neither do you”, Dorian said and chuckled. Magic, he had used actual magic and though his experiences with it had been mixed, Cullen couldn’t deny how amazing it felt.

“Then show me”, he said breathlessly. He wanted more of this, so much more. “And… show me how the hell to get you out of this.”

“Allow me, Commander”, Dorian chuckled and unwrapped himself from Cullen’s waist. He sighed at the loss but took this chance to quickly get out of his own armour, now only standing before the other man in his pants. He watched as Dorian undid the various straps and unnecessary clasps on his own armour, and Maker, it was hot.  
The mage took his sweet time shrugging out of the complicated outfit, which only made Cullen want him more. The damn man did all of this on purpose, knew full well the effect he had on him. And yet it only made him harder.

Now Dorian was before him, sprawled out on the table completely naked, with a full hard on.

“Your turn, Commander.”

“Stop calling me that”, he replied, leaning down to let his hands run all over Dorian’s body. Tracing every muscle, every inch of beautiful dark skin, wanting to commit it all to memory. Why had he ever tried to convince himself he didn’t want this? It was ridiculous how handsome he was.

“Hmm… you could be my little lion”, Dorian mumbled, gasping at his touches, the electricity running along his hands now coming in erratic bursts.

“Little…?”

Cullen leaned back a little, Dorian gasping at the loss of his touches, to guide Dorian’s hands to his crotch who took the hint and undid the laces on them.

“Oh…”, he said, looking down at Cullen’s own erection. “Not little then…”

He didn’t hesitate in reaching down to wrap his hand around Cullen’s cock, started to pump it in a slow rhythm.  
Right, he had experience with this… Cullen didn’t mind, but it showed. His chest rose and fell sharply as his breathing got more erratic. The heat around his length just felt so good, the pressure just right, and that flick of thumb over his tip made him gasp and moan against Dorian’s chest, to which he could only press the sloppiest of kisses.

He needed to fuck him. Right now.

“Whoa, not so quickly”, Dorian said, pushing against his chest as Cullen was about to press inside him. “This is not like fucking a woman.”

“Sorry I…”

“I have to prepare a little.” The smile on the mage’s face was actually gentle, an expression Cullen had never seen on him before. His blunder hadn’t ruined the mood then.

“H-how?”, he asked.

“We’ll have to improvise.” And the smirk was back as Dorian proceeded to cover his fingers with his own spit and reach down to press two of them against his entrance, closing his eyes as he slowly pushed them inside. It was an incredible sight and Cullen wasn’t able to look away, only gently let his fingers trail up and down the mage’s arm.

“Good thing I had practice last night”, the mage gasped, voice shaky.

“Last night?” If he had fucked someone else last night… Cullen wasn’t quite sure if he could go on. Oh he wanted it, _so badly_. But all of a sudden it bothered him, thinking about Dorian and some other man, touching him the way he had just done.

“I helped myself… ah”, Dorian let his head fall back onto the table, both his fingers now completely buried inside him, yet he still moved them, stretching himself wider. Cullen understood now, heat rising in his chest. “Your pants were especially tight fitting, Commander.”

Oh.

He had… done this… thinking about him?

The thought was exquisite.

“I’ll be sure to wear them more often then”, he whispered into the mage’s ear, making him moan - such a delicious sound.

“N-now”, Dorian gasped as he removed his fingers, reached down again to coat some spit onto Cullen’s cock before aligning him with his entrance and wrapping his legs back around his waist.

Perfect, this was perfect, Cullen thought as he slowly pushed inside. He was so tight… the heat, the sloppy kisses Dorian pressed to his collarbone, his moustache tickling him slightly.  
He was barely able to open his eyes, so intense was the pleasure that filled his body. But he wanted to see Dorian underneath him, to see that pleasure mirrored on his face. He did not expect the small frown, the pained gasps coming from the other man.

“Are you all right? Do you need to stop”, he asked, stopping the slow rhythm his thrusts had become.

“No.” Dorian grasped the back of Cullen’s neck, pulled him into a real kiss, slow and intense, thoroughly getting him out of breath. “It will get better, keep going. Slowly.”

That he did. He couldn't get enough of the feeling of Dorian around him, but he kept going slowly, as gently as he could, while pressing the softest of kisses against that frown. He could see Dorian relaxing around him, and soon enough that frown was replaced by an expression of pure bliss, eyes closed as his moans got louder. And now those sparks on his back had returned, electricity ran through him and he shuddered.

“Faster”, Dorian gasped, making the spark dance between both of them - figuratively and literally.  
Cullen obeyed, picking up speed until he was slamming into Dorian, couldn't stop even if he wanted to. He was close, so close.  
As he watched Dorian arch his back, heard him call his name over and over again he realized this was just like his dream. They did come true it seemed.

“C-Cullen.” His name, only his, tumbled from Dorian’s lips as he started to stroke himself. It was a sound he needed to hear more.

He saw the signs, saw Dorian’s stomach muscles contract, and not just those… He felt him tighten up around his cock as he came all over his stomach, even managed to get some onto the table that was wobbling dangerously under Cullen’s merciless thrusts.  
The added pressure was enough to send him over the edge too, shouting out the mage’s name as he found his release inside him.

Cullen almost collapsed as he had once done after a particularly hard battle, managed to catch himself in time before he fell onto Dorian’s chest though.

“I think I’ll be enjoying these weekly chess games a lot more, Commander”, Dorian said, smirking up at the breathless Cullen.

“I already look forward to next time.”

They grinned at each other as Dorian pulled him down into another kiss.

Oh yes, Cullen thought, screw chess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Screw chess... get it... ahaha


	2. Screw Poker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen drinks for the first time in ages, and of course everything goes downhill from there... or does it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot credit goes to amusewithaview and DarkExperience, thank you both for the ideas!

Weeks passed, and Cullen found himself enjoying his free time more and more.

 

Dorian and he were barely separated - were barely clothed when they spent time together - and he was glad that they had developed a close friendship before their relationship had changed. This way they could keep it secret from the rest of the Inquisition, as it wasn’t out of the ordinary that he and the mage were together.

 

He wasn’t quite sure why he wanted to keep it from the others.

 

There were other relationships that had formed, and as long as it did not affect their work, no one really cared. Quite the opposite: Some of the bolder companions, Dorian included, teased and encouraged the Inquisitor and Iron Bull when they were bored and in need of entertainment. Perhaps that was what bothered Cullen.

 

This… thing, and they had never discussed what exactly it was, was between them, was only theirs and he wanted to keep it that way. He was just old fashioned that way, wanted to keep Dorian to himself, though the mage was still a constant flirt around others.

It bothered him more than he cared to admit, though of course he would never tell Dorian that, especially since he never seemed to act on it, even when others were interested in the mage as well.

As far as _he_ knew, anyway…

 

For a while it had been hard for Cullen to act normal around Dorian. He felt that everything he did, whether he looked at him, or averted his gaze, would somehow give them away. In time he learned that if they kept to their usual dynamic, which was how he was most comfortable anyway, no one would be the wiser.

It was still difficult not to stare at Dorian’s ass for too long, or to simply lean in and steal a quick kiss. These casual touches were what he craved most, but he reminded himself there were bigger things at stake than his personal happiness. Only once had he dared to pull Dorian into an alleyway, to kiss him roughly for a few seconds before going on their way. The mage had grinned for the rest of the day.

 

And when they did spend time together, they made up for everything they had missed.

 

Dorian was talented. Oh so very talented… His mouth, lips, tongue, fingers… He could pleasure Cullen in so many different ways, ways that he hadn’t even known existed and he tried to do his best to return the favour. He was a fast learner.

 

As amazing as the sex was, Dorian never stayed overnight - at his own insistence. As much as he craved it, his fear of being discovered was just as big.

 

Unlike his fellow companions from the Inquisition he did not take to drinking, his Templar training was still too ingrained in him. It felt like Knight Commander Meredith might just crawl up from whatever hell she was in right now if he accepted a mug of ale.

But then there was Dorian… Smirking at him in that way that drove Cullen crazy, that made him want to rip the mage’s clothes off right then and there, whispering “What harm could one drink do” into his ear, and all his resolve just melted away.

 

That night it had just been Dorian, himself, Iron Bull and the Inquisitor. It had gotten quite late but all of them were tipsy and in a good mood, none of them wanted to go to bed just yet. But their conversations had come to a natural end, and silence had settled between them. Only the crackling of the fire filled the air of the small sitting room, one of the more exquisitely furnished ones, which was probably why Dorian had led them there.

 

“Aren’t we a boring lot?”, Dorian sighed. He had of course draped himself over the one chaise lounge inside the room. The man knew exactly how to present himself in the most flattering way, and Cullen found it harder and harder to keep his eyes off of him. The alcohol didn’t help.

 

“How about a friendly game of cards, then?”, the Inquisitor asked, getting up to take a deck from the drawer in the back of the room. The qunari was shy and gentle, it was still a mystery how he had ended up with Iron Bull, who was just the opposite of that. The way they acted around each other told him that their relationship was real, not just about sex, and it always brought a painful stab to his heart. He just hadn’t had the courage to bring it up with Dorian, mostly out of fear that if he revealed how he felt the mage just might end it.

 

“That would fit a boring lot like us”, Iron Bull’s booming laughter echoed through the room. “How about a _friendly_ game of strip poker. That would spice things up.”

 

“Ooohhh”, Dorian dragged out the sound and sat up on his lounge, drink in hand. “Now that I can get behind!”

 

“Strip… poker…”, Cullen said, quite in disbelief. They couldn’t be serious. Surely the Inquisitor wouldn’t agree to this. He could already see him blushing on the couch next to Iron Bull.

 

“Well I suppose…”, the qunari said. “There’s no harm in it. We are all friends here. You in, Commander?”

 

Now they were all staring at him. He had never called himself shy, but now even he could feel the heat rising into his cheeks. But if even the Inquisitor agreed…

A quick glance at Dorian, a quick look at that smirk was again enough to make him do anything. Besides, he wouldn’t leave the mage alone, knowing what would happen. Not with two tipsy qunari… who were rumoured to be quite well endowed.

 

“I suppose I would be hard pressed to lose against Iron Bull”, he said, trying to grin confidently at the large qunari. “You’re already almost naked. How you can fight in this I will never understand.”

 

“The trick is to never let them get close”, Iron Bull replied, returning the smile. “I, however, am an excellent poker player. How well you can play we will find out tonight.”

 

Very, very badly as it turned out.

 

He had heard of the cliché that qunari had the best poker faces, but as Cullen found out that night, it was completely true. He could neither read Iron Bull nor the Inquisitor, and after a few hours had passed, it was the first who still had most of his clothes.

Dorian only seemed to be open with his expressions, but he used them well to his advantage, misleading everyone else into thinking he had a good or bad hand whenever he needed.

 

The only advantage he had, was that his armour was comprised of many layers and different parts, so despite his losses he was not the first to be completely naked. He had to admit that watching Dorian take off his clothes, grin on his face, making a show of it with every item, was exciting.

 

A short while later all of them were down to their underclothes, except Iron Bull, who apparently wasn’t wearing any. Only the Inquisitor wasn’t surprised. He, too, made a show off getting rid of his last item of clothing, revealing his… well… huge cock.

 

Cullen couldn’t even look at it for too long, averted his gaze to look at Dorian, who beamed at him, eventually laughing out loud at his most likely very red face.

Suddenly he felt very inadequate. He knew the mage had been with qunari, and well, if that was what he had dealt with how could he _possibly_ be adequate. All of a sudden he doubted all the faces of pleasure Dorian had made beneath him… why did he even come into his bed?

 

The next hand revealed it to be the Inquisitor’s turn to undress, though he did it, as he was in many ways, the complete opposite from his partner. Quickly slipping out of his pants he sat down again, partially hiding his crotch behind his hands. Even like this Cullen could see he was only slightly smaller than Iron Bull…

 

The larger qunari leaned over to nuzzle the Inquisitor’s neck and press a soft kiss to his jaw, earning a blush from the smaller man. They were so comfortable around each other, so much in synch. It made Cullen sigh.

 

Dorian was luckily completely unaware of his inner struggle, he was just watching the two qunari be adorable.

 

“Next round, gentlemen!”, the mage shouted, making the two lovers look at him. He really was happiest when he was the center of attention. He refilled everyone’s drinks, swayed his hips as he made his way around the table. Cullen followed his every movement with his eyes, licked his lips before he knew what he was doing. Dorian made them toast before passing them their new cards and Cullen took a deep gulp of wine before looking at them.

 

Cullen knew he had nothing, dreaded losing his underclothes in front of Iron Bull and the Inquisitor, and so he was very surprised to hear Dorian folding after everyone but he had, which meant it was the mage who would be naked next.

 

Now this he wanted to see, despite knowing every inch of Dorian’s physique by heart, had burned it into his memory forever.

 

Dorian had turned around to show them his glorious backside.

 

“Prepare to be amazed”, he announced as he turned his head to grin cockily down at Cullen, who hardly noticed. He just watched as the mage wriggled out of his underclothes, ever so slowly. Agonizingly slow and Cullen was about to jump out of his seat to rip the damn things off but he remembered just in time where he was, and who he was with. So he had to content himself with watching the reveal of the ass he wanted to worship - and here was a new thought!

He blamed the alcohol in his system, he hadn’t been drunk in a long time.

 

The alcohol made him grin at the bite mark on Dorian’s ass. It had been his doing, but no one else knew -  a thrilling thought.

 

A polite round of applause pulled his thoughts away from the things he wanted to do to Dorian right now, Iron Bull and the Inquisitor were behind it.

 

“Very nice”, the smaller qunari said and nodded to emphasize his point.

 

“Yes”, Iron Bull agreed. “Congratulations on that beautiful ass, Mr. Pavus.”

 

“Why thank you Mr. Bull”, Dorian said completely serious before he bowed before them. “I can only return the compliment.”

 

“Oh Maker…”, Cullen mumbled, hiding his face in his hands. “What have I gotten into…?”

 

“Only you left”, the Inquisitor piped up. He didn’t speak a lot, but apparently even he had his sassy side. “Would you like to take off your clothes now or do you want to play another round?”

 

“Oh I insist on playing. I will not go down easy”, he replied. He forced himself to concentrate really hard on his cards, and not on… all this nakedness around him. It only worked with limited success, his eyes kept flitting over to glance at the mage to his left.

 

Beside him Dorian mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like “might go down easy later tonight” but thankfully no one but him was able to hear it. He couldn’t help the grin spreading on his face though.

 

To no one’s surprise Cullen lost the next round. Not with everyone teaming up to take him down, and not with his poor poker skills.

 

He had tried to follow the Inquisitor’s lead, simply slide out of his underclothes quickly and not let anyone see too much, but only disappointed shouts came from everyone in the room.

 

“I’m sure you can do better than that, Commander”, Dorian said and looked at him with - honest to the Maker - puppy eyes.  

 

Cullen sighed. This man… had made him completely and utterly his.

 

He stood up slowly, the alcohol made him dizzy and he swayed a little, but not too much that he was in danger of falling or anything like that. What the alcohol had done, was make this a lot easier. He reached down to the band of his underclothes, he took a deep breath and pulled them down in one swift motion, followed by cheers from everyone else in the room.

 

“The execution could have been better”, Iron Bull said after Cullen has sat down again. “But with a little bit of practice and maybe some help… we could definitely work on this.”

 

Help? What the hell was he suggesting?

 

Dorian seemed to know. He and Iron Bull got up simultaneously to sit down on either side of him each resting one hand on his legs. Suddenly the room got very, very hot.

 

“We can still have some more fun...”, the large qunari whispered in his ear in something that might have been arousing to anyone else, but only left Cullen frightened. He tried very hard not to look down at his crotch.

 

He had wondered about this before, ever since he and Dorian had extended their relationship to something entirely different. Wondered about his sexuality, but right at this moment, with the large qunari beside him making advances he knew that it wasn’t men he was interested in - just Dorian.

 

Iron Bull reached over to take the mage’s hand in his..

 

_No no no…_

 

“Don’t touch my Dorian”, he blurted out, immediately smacking a hand over his mouth. This was exactly the reason why he didn’t get drunk!

 

“Your Dorian?”, the mage asked, smirking at him.

  
“I- I didn’t mean, there’s nothing between… I mean…”

 

“Oh please, we all know you fuck”, the Inquisitor said. He was leaning back in his chair, arms crossed and grinning. Still waters were deep after all.

 

“You… you do?”

 

“It wasn’t very subtle”, Iron Bull said, thankfully he had returned to his former seat now, far away from Cullen’s side. “Oh you mean to tell us you tried to hide it? Cute.”

 

Everyone knew? Everyone knew…

 

“Well… fuck”, he muttered. Not one to swear often, he thought the situation warranted it now.

 

“We _intended_ to do that…”, Dorian said. “When you so rudely interrupted.”

 

“I know it’s not my place”, he said quietly to the mage. “But I just… didn’t… couldn’t…”

 

The alcohol robbed him of his words. He wanted to tell him how much he cared about him, how much he wanted to be his, and how much he wanted to get the hell out of here. They were still all naked!

 

“Tell you what…”, Dorian whispered into his ear, and already a shudder ran down his spine. “We may leave these two behind, and go back to your quarters if you… take my place tonight.”

 

“Ah…”, Cullen gasped at the words, and their meaning. “Okay.”

 

He tried not to sound too eager, but he had thought about it. Frequently. The way Dorian looked beneath him - or sometimes on top of him - when he was inside him made him curious. That expression of pure ecstasy… He wanted to experience it for himself, too.

 

So far he had been too shy to propose it to Dorian, and now he had played right into his hands. Maybe tonight hadn’t been a complete disaster. His brain had already pushed the fact that everyone knew about them out of his mind, and the presence of the two qunari inside the room.

 

He only stared at Dorian who guided him up from the couch. They both only slipped back into their underclothes, gathered the rest of their clothes and Dorian took Cullen’s hand in his as the ran across the courtyard to his own quarters, giggling like little boys as they had to shortly hide from a maid making her way into the opposite direction.

 

As soon as they were through the door Dorian pushed him against it, forcing it shut with a loud thud, and pressed their lips together, hands pushing against the door on either side of his head. Cullen’s mind was dizzy from the alcohol but it didn’t dull his senses when it came to the mage. Drops of wine were still on the his lips, made the kiss all the more delicious as their tongues explored each other.

 

“Upstairs”, Dorian mumbles as he abruptly pulled away, Cullen followed him halfway, disappointed at the loss of his lips.

 

But he quickly followed directions, was the first the climb up the long ladder up to the gallery that he used as his private quarters. He had allowed himself to have a large mattress there, a mountain of pillows and multiple blankets, surrounded by piles of books that he liked to read before he went to bed. They hadn’t found much use of late however, and they wouldn’t tonight.

 

A light suddenly illuminated the gallery behind him, and when Cullen turned around, already halfway lying on a pile of pillows, he saw Dorian coming up the ladder behind him, a real flame in his hand.

He had gotten used to the casual kind of magic Dorian used, had even grown fond of it, especially the kind of electricity spells he used to make everything a little more exciting.

 

The mage leaned over Cullen to move the flame from his hand to the lamp that was placed there, its soft glow only brightening the gallery up a little bit. The perfect mood for what they would do.

 

Cullen had to pause and admire Dorian for a moment, placed his hand on the mage’s arm to keep him in place. He frowned down at him, but the way the soft light shone onto him… It felt like he needed to commit this to memory, the beautiful shade of his skin, the handsome features of his face.

 

“Are you all right?”, Dorian’s voice was low, almost a whisper. The heat between them felt almost palpable. “We do not have to do this…”

 

“I want it”, he whispered back, hesitated for a moment. “You are just so beautiful.”

 

“And you are drunk.” A low chuckle came from the other man as he leaned down. “Though I assume not drunk enough to make me feel guilty about this?”

 

“Nowhere near…”, Cullen muttered before he gasped at the kiss Dorian pressed to his collarbone.

 

Kisses along all of his collarbone, moving down until Dorian reached his nipple, slipped it into his mouth to suck and lightly bite down on it. Cullen moaned at the sensation, his hand came up to grasp the mage’s hair, that gorgeous hair that he liked tugged so much when he was being fucked. But tonight that would not be him.

 

There was oil now permanently stored here on the gallery and Cullen fumbled to reach for it, almost knocking it over when Dorian started to move lower again, traced his abs with his tongue.

 

“I need you to fuck me”, he said and earned a grin from Dorian, who looked up at him with his chin resting just above his crotch.

 

“With pleasure, my dear”, he replied and took the oil, quickly coating his fingers with it after he had swiftly pulled off both their underclothes. The man was incredibly fast when it came to getting naked, it was a real talent.

 

Dorian settled between his legs, only quickly glanced at his erection with a grin, and now Cullen could already feel the pressure of his finger against his entrance.

 

“Keep breathing”, the mage whispered as he slowly pushed his finger inside, so much slower than he did to himself. Cullen appreciated it. The sensation was new, and a little comfortable, but with this pace he had enough time to get used to it.

 

His eyes had fallen shut as he concentrated on the feeling of Dorian’s finger inside him, tried to keep his breathing steady as he realized relaxing was important for this.

 

“You look gorgeous right now”, he heard Dorian’s voice from below him, but he couldn’t open his eyes at the moment. Not using his sight only made this more intense as he felt the other man move his finger, stretching him open wider until he was able to add another finger. He breathed in sharply at that, but Dorian’s hand gently stroking over his torso calmed him down again.

Wider and wider he was being stretched until, there it was, a third finger. Cullen hadn’t been sure at the beginning if he could ever be able to take it, and though it was a strange sensation it was bearable, almost… getting nice. He thought about Dorian’s face underneath him, the way he moaned his name when he slammed into him. He wanted this so badly.

 

“I think you are ready”, Dorian muttered against his thigh, kissing it, then his cock as he slipped his fingers out of him. He shuddered at the loss, and moaned at the mage’s lips against his erection.

 

“Do it already, Maker”, Cullen almost gasped. “I need you inside me.”

 

“You should talk like this more often, my love”, Dorian muttered into their sloppy kiss, completely silencing every thought Cullen might have had at that moment. He was lost in the sensation of Dorian against his entrance, pushing inside just as slowly as he done with his fingers. This was different though, it felt so much bigger, and he was grateful for the oil they had. “Keep breathing.”

 

Cullen tried to keep his breaths even, to not tense up and he managed fairly well. The pressure was strange, but not uncomfortably so. All that mattered was that Dorian was inside him, they were one. By now he had opened his eyes again and was staring into the mage’s, they didn’t kiss, or speak, just gasped and breathed, their breaths intermingling.

 

Dorian was now slowly thrusting into him, and what had been a little uncomfortable turned into pleasure, and now he was finally able to understand what the other man was feeling when they were together. Every thrust sent more waves of pleasure through him, and soon enough he was moaning openly, couldn’t stop it, not even if he wanted to.

 

“Ready for more?”, Dorian asked, his famous smirk twisting up the corner of his mouth.

 

“M-more? Maker, yes!”

 

Dorian abruptly picked up the speed of his thrusts, slamming into Cullen and hitting something inside him. Something that sent sparks unlike the ones the mage could produce all through his body. He hadn’t been prepared for this, but Dorian didn’t slow down in the slightest, sending that ecstasy through him he had seen on the mage so many times.

His entire body was on fire with that feeling, he couldn’t control himself anymore, was only vaguely aware that he was moaning Dorian’s name over and over again between encouraging him to give him more of this and calling him every endearment he could think of.

 

When Dorian reached down to start stroking his cock in time with his thrusts Cullen was just lost, lost in this pleasure, it was too much for him. He couldn’t even warn Dorian before he came over his hand, couldn’t control the way his muscles contracted, making him feel Dorian all the more inside him.

 

“My love…”, Dorian whispered as he stopped in his movements, gasping, and Cullen, despite his blissful state, felt a warm wetness spread inside him. It felt like the perfect ending to this beautiful experience.

 

They stayed frozen like this for a moment, still looking at each other as their breathing returned to a somewhat normal state.

Dorian took his time in pulling out of him, knowing the sensation could be uncomfortable, but after all this, Cullen didn’t mind. All he wanted was to rest his head on Dorian’s chest, to wrap his arms around him and fall asleep like that. But he remembered that the mage never stayed over. He had insisted on that, hadn’t he…?

 

The other man laid down beside him and Cullen followed his movements, couldn’t take his eyes off of him.

 

“I assume this was a good first time for you?”, Dorian asked, grinning widely. He reached out to pull him close into the exact position he had craved.

 

“I… I…”, there weren’t really any words that could accurately describe this. “Yes.”

 

“Good… I only wish to serve.”

 

“Right”, Cullen chuckled. “That’s definitely what you are known for. You…”, he hesitated for a moment. “...are not leaving?”

 

“Do you want me to?”

 

“No I… never want you to”, he admitted, glad that Dorian couldn’t see him right now. Things like this were hard for him to admit.

 

“Then I won’t”, Dorian said to his relief. He already looked forward to waking up next to him. He’d never woken up next to anyone he loved before. “Do you remember what you called me earlier?”

 

“I… think I said a lot of things.”

 

Cullen realized something just then. The things Dorian had called him.

 

“My love…”, he quoted him, and immediately felt Dorian stiffen. “You called me ‘my love’.”

 

“Apologies it must have been-”

 

“You constantly flirt”, Cullen interrupted, pushed himself up to look at the other man. “If any of those men wanted to sleep with you… would you? Have you?”

 

“I haven’t”, Dorian said after a moment of not meeting his eyes. “And - would you oppose if I did?”

 

He took a deep breath. This conversation was all he had been afraid of. But he also couldn’t do this anymore, with this uncertainty.

 

“Yes.”

 

Dorian stared at him, and Cullen didn’t dare flinch. But the seconds ticked by, every one more agonizing than the last.

 

“So would I”, the mage finally said.

 

Something inside Cullen relaxed, the tension evaporated just this instant. He was Dorian’s. Dorian was his.

 

And he had called him ‘my love’.

 

He wanted to hear it again. Every day, every hour, every minute and second.

 

“I love you, Dorian.”

 

What was the point of denying it any longer? He had felt like this for a long time, and had wanted to say it earlier, but Dorian had never seemed the type to settle down for one person. Yet here he was, pledging himself to Cullen.

 

But again the second ticked by, Dorian was frowning and Cullen could see that he was thinking rapidly.

 

“You don’t have to say it, I do not mind. This is enough-”

 

“I love you too”, Dorian interrupted. Cullen hated to be interrupted but this, this was the exception to the rule.

 

He couldn’t speak. Everything had been said already, he simply leaned in to kiss Dorian, trying to put all of his emotion into that soft, sweet, long kiss. By now he loved the slight tickling sensation Dorian’s moustache created on his upper lip and he grinned into the kiss.

 

“You seem happy”, Dorian said, his own grin wide.

 

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

 

“Well there is this whole rift in the Fade thing where we could die at any moment…”

 

“If I were to die tomorrow”, Cullen said. “I would die happy knowing I spent this time with you.”

 

He could see Dorian’s breath hitch, could see him frown at what he said.

 

“You are, you…”, Dorian stammered, something that had never happened in Cullen’s presence before, he hadn’t even thought the mage capable of it.

 

“Shame on you, Commander, making an honest man out of me...”, he finally finished, making Cullen smile so hard he felt his face might split in two. Had he actually managed to get him to settle down? Only time would tell, but whatever happened, he would enjoy every second with Dorian.

 

“I’m not so sure about honest...”, he replied jokingly.

 

Cullen just leaned in, resting his head on the mage’s chest. Who’d have thought that ridiculous night of strip poker could have turned into one of the happiest nights of his life.

  
Tomorrow he would wake up next to the man he loved. And perhaps this would happen for a long, long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm bad at summaries and titles.


	3. Screw Lyrium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoiler warning for Cullen's development in DA:I! If you haven't had "the talk" with him, you might want to avoid this. 
> 
> Needing help does not make you weak.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've kept this as incomplete because I figured the game would give me some new ideas. So here it goes.

Dorian was furious.

 

The entire Keep noticed as he stormed along the ramparts, soldiers, maids, mages - everyone - jumped out of his way before he even had time to shout at them to get the hell away from him.

 

The door to Cullen’s study however, was not as accommodating.

 

“Locked”, Dorian mumbled angrily before he started to shout. “Open the damn door you daft idiot or I’ll blast it down with a fireball!”

 

Five seconds, he told himself, I’ll give him five seconds.

 

There was already shuffling to be heard through the door though, so in the end there was no need to do anything drastic...yet.

 

Cullen only cracked the door open. His face was pale and a soft sheen of sweat was visible on his forehead.

 

“I am quite busy Dorian, if you could come back some other time…”

 

“You dare _lie_ to me? To _me_?”

 

Granted, Dorian wasn’t physically stronger than Cullen, but in his current state he had no trouble pushing open the door and to make him stumble backwards. He had enough sense in him to close it behind him though. No need for a scene. A public one anyway.

 

“I’m not, I-”

 

“Shut up”, Dorian interrupted. Whatever his reasons, none of them could be good enough to justify him lying. It may be commonplace in Tevinter or the Orlesian court but in their relationship? No bloody way. “You daft idiot have stopped taking lyrium and you didn’t think to tell me?”

 

Slouched against his desk Cullen finally looked at him again. The guilt was practically written all over his face. Good, let him stew in it.

 

“How do you know?” His hand was shaking, and he tried to hide it by leaning on it. Of course that didn’t work and he slipped, almost falling backwards onto the table, but he could stop himself in time.

 

“The Inquisitor told me.”

 

“I told him that in private.”

 

“You should have told me in private!” Dorian sighed, exasperated but no less angry. Why was this man so damn stubborn? “Why didn’t you?”

 

Silence.

 

Cullen had averted his gaze, arms crossed as he stared at his bookshelf. Dorian had an idea why he hadn’t, and if it was true, then the man was even dumber than he had imagined. Why did he have to fall for him?

 

“Do you not love me?”

 

At that Cullen looked at him again, frowning, a sadness in his eyes.

 

“I do but-”

 

“Do you not trust me?”, Dorian interrupted.

 

“Of course I do but-”

 

“Then _why_?”

 

Cullen sighed, defeated. Of course he wouldn’t last long in an argument, he was up against Dorian, and was so weak he could barely keep himself upright.

 

“I didn’t want anyone to know. I wanted to do this myself”, he said. “I had hoped I could just… get through this without anyone noticing. But it’s… it’s harder than I had anticipated.”

 

“And that’s exactly why you’re the daft idiot.”

 

“You keep calling me tha- ah.” Cullen gasped out in pain, clutching at his chest and Dorian rushed forward to cup his cheeks, making the other man look up at him. He had the gall to smile, to actually _smile_ at him. As if he had expected that reaction.

 

“I’ll stop calling you that once you stop being one”, Dorian said, thumb lightly brushing over Cullen’s cheek. The blonde leaned into the touch, sighing in relief.

 

“I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

 

“Yes you should have. Glad you finally see reason.” Despite Cullen’s not exactly pristine state he leaned in for a soft kiss. That’s how he knew he loved him. “You do not have to go through this alone.”

 

“Dorian I…” The way he looked up in him made something constrict deep inside Dorian’s chest. “I love you.”

 

“I know”, he forced himself to say. No need to get sentimental yet, the night would be long after all. “Now why aren’t you in bed?”

 

“I can’t… The ladder, it’s too high.”

 

“Well then we shall have to get the bed down to you.” Dorian glanced around the study before he walked over to a hip high cupboard resting against the north wall of the tower. “Yes this will do nicely.”

 

Dorian started to pull it away from the wall - now he was even doing manual labor for the man! - so that between the cupboard and the two walls meeting at the corner, it resembled some sort of separate room, with a bit of privacy, should they need it. Next he moved all the pillows and blankets he could find in Cullen’s room down to drape them there, to try and make it as comfortable as possible. It reminded him oddly of the blanket forts he used to build as a child, until his mother had declared it nonsense and he had never been allowed to do so again.

 

He gently led Cullen to the makeshift bed so he could settle down, and the blonde sighed.

 

“Thank you”, Cullen said, looking like an oversized puppy with those sad eyes.

 

“Don’t thank me yet”, Dorian replied as he brushed a strand of stray hair back out of the other man’s eyes. “Now tell me about this. What do you need?”

 

“I… I have gone a few days without lyrium before. At first it is not bad but now… The pain comes and goes, but it’s getting stronger”, he paused, clenching his eyes shut in pain for a moment. “Ah, sorry. I think tonight will be the worst, but I do not know what will help.”

 

“Unless you’re apologizing for being an idiot I do not wish to hear these words out of your mouth”, he said, frowning down at Cullen sternly. The man only smiled in return. The bastard. The gorgeous, foolish, stubborn bastard. “I will get some things. Wait here.”

 

“Not going anywhere.”

 

Dorian already hated leaving him, and the worst of it hadn’t come to pass yet. He had never really dealt with addiction, but of course he’d heard what it would be like to go through withdrawal. There were enough nobles in the Imperium losing themselves to one drug or another, they either completely lost themselves to it or made the brutal journey to recovery. The latter rarely happened though. He’d lost friends to it, and he would not let it happen to Cullen.

 

He made his way through the Keep, gathering various supplies. Water to drink, and to clean, a separate bucket for obvious reasons, some food just in case Cullen could stomach it, among other things.

 

“What do you need all these things for?”, a maid had asked him.

 

“How lovely your hair looks today, my dear.” Thank goodness he was the most charming person in this place. A little compliment went a long way to distract someone from what you were really up to. “And with all this hard work, too. Do tell me your secret some time.”

 

The maid just blushed and mumbled something about how it couldn’t be true - and it really wasn’t - but Dorian was already on his way out of the kitchen, letting his hips sway just that little bit more. Might as well give her a little story to tell her friends while he was at it.

 

“The Keep is terrible this time of day..”, Dorian said as he pushed the door to Cullen’s study closed with his hip. “Cullen?”

 

The blonde was slouched against the wall, eyes not closed, but staring at the makeshift cupboard wall in front of him. He was shivering uncontrollably, a drop of sweat rolled down his temple.

 

“D-dorian?” His voice was so small, so full of fear, Dorian immediately rushed over, dropping everything he had collected to the floor.

 

“My love, what do you need?”, he asked, holding the sides of Cullen’s face to force him to look up at him. He was having trouble focusing, but Dorian hoped his mind was still clear enough to tell him what he needed.

 

“Please… please don’t go again. I’m so- so cold.”

 

“Oh, Cullen…” Before he knew what he was doing, Dorian embraced the blonde tightly and as he felt his hands feebly holding on to him, not able to even grasp the fabric of his robe tightly, a part of his heart broke.

They stayed like that for a moment, Cullen shuddering against him until Dorian finally reached over to wrap the blanket he had brought around him. It most likely would not help, since it wasn’t cold in the study in the first place, but at this point he’d try anything.  

 

“Useless… useless…”, Cullen mumbled against him, clearly starting to get delirious. It scared Dorian, but all they could do was try to get through this night.

 

“What are you on about, love?” He gently started to rub Cullen’s back. He’d never had his mother do it, but it seemed a natural, calming gesture to him. As the blonde hummed against him the thought was confirmed.

 

“I’m useless”, Cullen said, voice muffled against his shoulder. “Useless to the Inquisition, useless… to you… I have to- have to take it…need to take it.”

 

“You will not”, Dorian said, tightening his grip on the other man. “You don’t need it and you’re not useless. You’ll get through this.”

 

He barely noticed Cullen trying to push him away. The touch was so feeble it did not move Dorian at all.

 

“Useless… need… need.”

 

“Listen to me. Do you hear me?”, Dorian asked, because at this point, he couldn’t even be sure about it. But Cullen weakly nodded against his shoulder. “You’re smarter than you give yourself credit, you’re a brilliant strategist. I may call you foolish but you’re brave, something I could never be, not to mention how gorgeously beautiful you are. You are quite… extraordinary.”

 

Cullen’s breathing hitched at that last sentence, and Dorian could feel the tears flowing freely, wetting his robe.

 

“I don’t… don’t deserve you.”

 

“And here I am anyway.” The other man slouched further against him, almost all strength gone now. Dorian gently laid him down to rest on the blankets and pillows he had moved here. The shivering hadn’t stopped.

 

He felt so helpless, Cullen wasn’t even able to sleep with waves of pain making him flinch every other minute or so. All he could do was watch over him, dab his forehead with some cold water, as the fever was rising steadily.

 

Hours passed, and Cullen’s state did not change, but at least it also did not get worse. Dorian clung to that hope. He would get through this, he knew.

Dorian had averted his eyes only for a moment, wetting the piece of cloth once more, when he suddenly felt Cullen’s weight on him, strong enough to almost make him fall over.

 

“My love, are you better?”, Dorian asked, confused at the sudden change. He would not have thought this possible, not this quickly.

 

“I will be”, Cullen said breathlessly. “Once I take it. Behind… behind those books. I need it.”

 

“Trust me, love, you don’t”, he tried to gently push him away, but Cullen wouldn’t budge, a surprising amount of strength suddenly in him. “Please try and get some sleep.”

 

“No.” Cullen pushed against him, trying to make him stand or leave, Dorian did not know. But it was forceful and only managed to make him fall violently onto the floor.

 

This was it, Dorian had no choice, it was for his own good. He quickly sat up, stretched out his hand and conjured a barrier around the other man.

He would have expected any reaction. Anger first and foremost, the way he was acting at the moment, but this expression of sheer and utter panic was unexpected.

 

“No no no no”, Cullen muttered over and over again as he stared at the soft sheen the barrier produced. He scrambled backwards, only stopped when his back hit the wall behind him. There, he slouched down, head between his knees as his hands came up to grasp at his own hair. “No please no not the demons, they’re everywhere somebody has to stop them, stop the mages, stop the demons, trying to corrupt me, trying to get me stop somebody stop.”

 

Fuck.

 

The Circle of Magi in Ferelden. Cullen had alluded to it, but had never told him the whole story. Dorian had only been able to piece some of it together judging by what he mumbled during his odd nightmare here and there. And he had done the one thing to trigger these delusions. He should have expected this, should have made precautions. Stupid, stupid mage.

 

Dorian immediately removed the barrier and scrambled to get close to Cullen. But he was a mage, what if he was the last thing he needed right now? But who else? Somebody had to look after him, make sure he didn’t actually take that hidden lyrium that he still needed to get rid of.

 

“I am _so_ sorry my love please forgive me. It’s gone, you’re safe.” He didn’t dare touch Cullen right now, it just might make all of this worse.

 

“Stay away, demon!” Cullen didn’t look up, the grip on his own hair only got tighter as he was gently rocking himself back and forth. “That’s what they do, the demons, they take what you love and twist it, corrupt it, I will not give in, I will _not_ -”

 

“Cullen, please, what can I do?”, Dorian asked, completely at a loss. It did not even matter what he said, Cullen was mumbling to himself, an endless string of words and he didn’t even register Dorian there with him anymore. “Maker what have I done…”

 

He couldn’t let Cullen continue like this, what if he got lost in this delusion, stayed in it forever? He might be scared, but he had to do _something_. So he forced Cullen’s hands from his head, though he struggled through the entire process, and forced him to look up at him. Cullen’s resolve immediately wavered upon looking into his eyes, but he still struggled.

 

“Dorian…? No… are you… are you him?” Never could Dorian have imagined the brave commander to sound so scared.

 

“Yes, love, it’s me”, he tried his hardest to sound reassuring and the hitch in Cullen’s breath told him he had done something right. “No demons will get you here, I’ll protect you.”

 

“I… I…” Cullen looked around the room, his demeanor a bit calmer than before. “Maker what happened? Did I hurt you… please tell me I did not hurt you!”

 

He was clinging so hard to Dorian’s arms it almost hurt, but he didn’t care, he was out of his panic and it was all that mattered.

 

“No you did not”, he reassured him. “You only scared the living daylights out of me and I would rather appreciate it if you did not do that again.”

 

He smiled weakly and Cullen joined in. The blonde didn’t feel as hot anymore either, another good sign.

 

“Now that you are calm, you should drink something”, Dorian said, reaching over to hand the other man a cup.

 

“Yes, nurse”, Cullen replied with a smile, his hand only shaking slightly as he downed the cup’s contents in one go.

 

“Now that’s an idea for another time. Do you think you could sleep now? You look like you need it.”

 

“I think I might… though the sun is rising already.”

 

“The sun does not have a say in this”, Dorian said. “Sleep. I’ll stay.”

 

Cullen silently settled down, adjusting a few pillows so he could properly rest on them. Dorian had planned on watching over him, but those sad, begging eyes, the soft way Cullen brushed over his arm made him settle in beside him. Made him wrap his arms around the commander, though it usually was the other way around.

 

Cullen sighed against him, hands gripping the fabric of his robe as if he were scared that he might vanish after all.

 

“Thank you”, Cullen whispered. “Thank you…”

 

It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep, though Dorian didn’t find any that day. Seeing Cullen like this had shaken him more than he cared to admit, and he promised himself he would never let anything like this happen again. Which was a ridiculous promise, he knew that, but he could not bear to see him this sad, vulnerable, hurt.

 

He ordered a strict regimen of ‘rest you daft idiot’ for the entire next day, when Cullen was strong enough to make the trip up to his bed. Of course he was too stubborn to stay there for longer, and the next day he was already back at work. Dorian merely sighed, and kept an eye on the blonde as much as he could. He could tell when a spell of weakness overcame him, that slight flinching, or a quick rest against a wall. Dorian would be by his side then, urging him to rest for an hour or two.

 

It was about a week after that terrible night, and so far it had never been that bad again, when Dorian was summoned to Cullen’s study, but found it to be empty.

 

“Cullen?”, Dorian asked into the darkness.

 

“Up here”, came Cullen’s voice from the gallery.

 

Dorian rolled his eyes. What was the blonde up to now? Some grand romantic gesture? He had to smile, but forced himself to look at least somewhat annoyed. He couldn’t show all his cards right off the bat.

 

“I hope you are naked up th-”, Dorian stopped mid-sentence when he finally reached the gallery.

 

Big romantic gesture? Definitely.

 

Cullen wasn’t exactly naked, but he was just wearing trousers and a sleeveless robe that hung open, not really covering much of his naked torso. A large fur carpet was laid out in front of the bed with a silver plate covered in food on it - the finest cheeses from Orlais (Dorian could tell), bread, grapes and other delicacies - along with a carafe of wine and two glasses. For the finishing touches Cullen had lined the gallery, almost every free spot, with candles, illuminating it softly.

 

Dorian didn’t quite know what to say.

 

“I hope you’re hungry”, Cullen said as he came closer, offering a hand to help Dorian the rest of the way.

 

“Starving”, Dorian finally managed and promptly wrapped his arms around the blonde’s neck, pulling him into a stormy kiss. Cullen was so surprised by the movement he almost pushed them both down the ladder, and most likely to their deaths.

 

“Oh s-sorry”, he mumbled as he pulled Dorian away from the edge, and towards the indoor picnic.

 

“That’s quite all right. We do live in dangerous times after all, and I somehow have the feeling you’ll make it up to me tonight.” Dorian was wearing his usual leather outfit today, and he was aware of what it did to Cullen as he sat down on the fur carpet - from a bear no doubt - grinning up at Cullen, who quickly followed.

 

“That was the intent, yes”, Cullen said. “A thank you. For being there for me and… Just everything. I would not have made it without you.”

 

“Nonsense. You are stronger than you think”, Dorian said, for once sarcasm absent from his voice. He meant it. He wouldn’t have fallen for a weak man, and because he had offered him help it did not make him one. “Though of course I have put considerable effort into moving that cupboard, I do believe my back is still sore.”

 

“I’m going to have to take care of that then, don’t I? But first… wine?”

 

“Of course.” He gladly accepted the glass of wine. One sip told him it would match the cheese perfectly. Not a chance Cullen had chosen it by himself. He hummed contentedly at the fruity taste. “Exquisite. Tell me, love, who helped you with this?”

 

“Is it that obvious?” The smile Cullen gave him was adorable and he had to bite down on his lower lip to keep from joining in. “I uh… Josephine… Josephine helped me.”

 

“This does look a lot like her”, Dorian finally lost the battle against the grin, which seemed to make Cullen relax - finally. He took another sip before safely putting his glass to the side. “Now why precisely is there so much space between us?”

 

Cullen’s glass almost flew out of his hand as he scrambled to get closer, as if he had somehow waited for permission to do that. The idiot. Dorian was considerably less happy whenever Cullen wasn’t around, and the blonde still didn’t realize it.

He let his hand come up to Cullen’s hair, idly brushing through it. Cullen loved when he did that, and now, too, his eyes fell shut and he hummed contentedly.

 

Dorian reached behind him, to pluck a grape from its stem.

 

“Grape, darling?”, he asked softly. Cullen opened his eyes again and nodded, opened his mouth to accept the fruit, slipping his lips just that bit around Dorian’s fingers as well, sucking on them with the most innocent expression Dorian had ever seen.

 

“Oh”, was all he could muster as he watched Cullen swallow. “I do believe the food will have to wait.”

 

He slid his leg along Cullen’s, up to his waist to hook it around there, pulling the other man onto him. Cullen gasped at that, but immediately leaned in for the kiss Dorian had desired for so long. He had needed to be gentle with Cullen, needed him to rest and heal. But now he was healthy again, and he would enjoy this night - immensely.

 

Cullen slipped his tongue into his mouth, the sweet taste of grape still lingering there as he scrambled to undo the many clasps on Dorian’s outfit. By now he was incredibly good at that, did not have to break the kiss or open his eyes to do so. It was Dorian who first had to pull back, gasping against the blonde’s lips when his hands brushed over his collarbone.

 

“You know there is a perfectly good bed right there”, Cullen mumbled as he pressed a kiss just to that spot.

 

“Too far”, Dorian gasped. “Everything is too far when you’re right here.”

 

For emphasis he wrapped his other leg around Cullen’s waist too, trapping him the way he had done the very first time they had been together.

 

“Ah, Dorian…” Cullen was hard against him, and he wasn’t far off either. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too”, he whispered, hands still in the blonde’s hair as he lightly tugged on it. “Now fuck me.”

 

“You’ll have to let go of me for that though”, Cullen grinned down at him. Dorian loved when he was confident, because the man should be. Especially considering he hadn’t had much experience with these things before Dorian came along, he was incredibly good at them.

 

“As you wish.” With the wickedest grin he could muster Dorian unwrapped himself from Cullen, one leg after the other. It had the desired effect: Cullen scrambled to get his clothes off, didn’t even flinch at the fact that Dorian was wearing nothing underneath them. The blonde’s own clothes quickly followed.

 

“Turn around”, Cullen said, almost commanding.

 

“I thought we were going to do what _I_ want tonight.”

 

Dorian raised an eyebrow, and Cullen immediately got flustered.

 

“I, yes of course, love”, he stammered. “Anything.”

 

“Well it just so happens…” Dorian sat up, letting his hand brush over the other man’s chest, down to his abs, stopping just before reaching his cock. “That I want just that.”

 

He chuckled as he turned around, lying flat on the soft fur. He could hear Cullen move behind him, no doubt getting the oil they would soon need into his reach. But his hands didn’t come up to his ass, instead he felt the other man settle in beside him, hands gently brushing over his back before starting to massage him.

 

“Oh…”, Dorian breathed out. Of course he hadn’t been serious earlier, but now that he was being touched like this, he did feel a lot of tension in his back. They were fighting an important battle after all, life or death and such, it did take its toll on him. But Cullen’s hands were skilled, working their way along his shoulders and down his back, undoing every bit of tension they found. Every so often he would lean down, press a soft kiss to Dorian’s skin, making sure that he got harder with each one. As pleasant as this was, he really wanted to be fucked.

 

It seemed Cullen had the same idea, as Dorian finally felt his lips on his ass, pressing kisses there, even lightly biting down, making him gasp. He was about to speak words of encouragement, when he felt a finger against his entrance, slowly pushing in. The massage had done wonders on his relaxation and the first one easily slipped inside. Dorian concentrated on that sensation, along with Cullen’s lips brushing ever so lightly against his skin.

 

“I do hope you’ll pick up the pace, love…”, he mumbled against the fur below him. While this was nice, it was after all just that, and tonight he needed more than nice.

 

“Like this?”, Cullen asked, promptly slipping another finger inside. He gasped, gripping the fur tightly as he forced himself not to lose that relaxed state.

 

“Marvelous”, Dorian breathed, slightly pushing his ass up to encourage him further. Stretching tonight was easy for him, and another finger quickly followed. But he didn’t need it. “I’m ready.”

 

“Maker, yes, please”, he heard Cullen mutter behind him as he slipped his fingers out of him, he was almost scrambling to line himself up with his entrance.

 

“Always so eager”, Dorian chuckled. “Hold on one moment.”

 

He got up on all fours, resting his forearms flat against the ground, which presented his ass just the right way to Cullen. Dorian turned to grin up at the blonde.

 

“Trust me, this is better”, he said, enjoying the blush in Cullen’s cheeks. The latter positioned himself behind him, but hesitated. Before he did anything else he leaned forward, pressing his chest to Dorian’s back so he could lean in for another kiss. He could never get enough of that sweet taste. It was sweet, even when they had just woken up and their breath was stale. Even when Cullen had eaten that terrible, smelly cheese he liked so much. It was simply Cullen who made it so.

 

They broke the kiss, gasped against each other as Cullen finally pushed inside him. Slowly at first, letting Dorian adjust to the familiar feeling of the other man inside him, but he quickly picked up the pace. He had to lean away from Cullen, let his head drop to rest it on the fur, as the other man moved away too. He had a better angle to slam into him like this, and soon enough Dorian was moaning openly, loudly, the way only Cullen could make him moan.

 

Cullen snapped his hips, hitting that sweet spot over and over again. The warmth was spreading inside him, that pleasant heat that filled his entire being. Each new thrust sent it pulsing through him, sent sparks along his spine.

 

“C-Cullen…”, Dorian couldn’t form decent thoughts by now, and he loved it. Loved the way he could just make him forget how to talk properly, the way he made him drop his guard. “Har… harder…”

 

Cullen obeyed. His hands came up to grasp Dorian’s shoulders tightly, nails digging into the skin but he couldn’t feel it. Could only feel the other man slamming into him harder, making his eyes fall shut and sparks appear behind his eyelids. He hadn’t even touched himself and yet he felt himself getting close. He had heard that it could happen, but had never experienced it himself. It would only be right that Cullen would be the one to make him come just like this.

 

He knew Cullen was close too, when he started to moan, something he tried to suppress, because even after all this, he was still a bit shy. He also felt the other man’s hand slowly start to wander, brushing along his back to wrap around his waist.

 

“Don’t…”, Dorian said. “I’m going to… going to come… like this. Just a bit more.”

 

“Ah… are you”, Cullen only slowed down momentarily. “Sure?”

 

Dorian could only nod furiously and moan against the fur, not realizing Cullen might have trouble seeing it. But the other man picked up on it anyway, didn’t touch him, instead resumed his former speed, hitting that spot deep inside him faster and faster.  

His moans stopped coming, his voice had failed him. It was all just heat and sparks and Cullen inside him until it overwhelmed him and he came. It was unlike anything he had experienced up until that moment, the orgasm was so intense, so glorious, he couldn’t feel anything else at that moment except the pleasure that filled his entire being.

Only when he came down from that high, when his moans had stopped and his breathing slowed, did he notice that Cullen had stilled in his movements, and had come inside him. Dorian regretted having missed it, but there was always the next time and that orgasm had surely made up for it.

 

Dorian collapsed, barely managed to fall on his side to avoid the mess he had made on the fur. Somebody would surely not be happy about that, but it was the last thing on his mind at the moment. His vision was still a little fuzzy, his breathing still erratic.

 

“Are you okay?”, Cullen asked, breathless himself as he joined Dorian on the clean part of the fur beside him. “That… you… You’ve never sounded like that before.”

 

“You…”, Dorian needed a few more moments before he could speak. “You have no idea… how marvelous that was.”

 

“An adequate thank you then?” Cullen smiled down at him, propped up on his elbow.

 

“I think I can accept that, yes”, he said, pulling Cullen down into a kiss. Slow now, taking his time exploring the other man’s tongue. “Though I might need it again some time.”

  
“Always, love.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently there's a companion quest for Dorian too but it does not trigger for me. So it might be a while until I can write about that. (please no spoilers)


	4. Screw Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for Dorian's companion quest and Cullen's romance! 
> 
> Cullen had known Dorian's relationship with his father was strained, but he had no idea just how much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably totally mess this up for me always immediately writing about this as soon as I've played it, considering I know nothing about Dorian's romance yet, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.

“Inquisitor.”

 

Cullen didn’t even need to look up to recognize who had just entered his study. The large shadow falling onto his desk did that for him. He was so focused on his map that he hardly realized it though, only looked up when the Qunari cleared his throat.

 

He knew immediately that something was wrong.

 

“There is something we need to discuss”, the Inquisitor said.

 

Cullen stood, trying to make a mental note of the plan for their troop’s movement he had just thought of for later. The Qunari was an open book, as far as Qunari could be, and the look Cullen found on his face made him uneasy. Could Corypheus already be back? But then his soldiers, Leliana’s spies - anyone - would have already informed him.

 

“What is it?”, he asked as he leaned back against his desk. He felt like he needed some kind of support, whatever this was.

 

“Mother Giselle forwarded a letter to me.” He took said letter out of the folds of his armor and for a brief moment Cullen wondered what else he might have hidden there. “It’s from Dorian’s father.”

 

“His father?”, Cullen asked. “But they are not on good terms. What does he- no, wait. Shouldn’t you be bringing this to him?”

 

Dorian had told him that he wasn’t welcome in Tevinter, that he and his family had a lot of disagreements and Cullen had assumed it was because of his stance on his homeland’s ways. The way he had talked about it made this a surprise. Why would he contact Dorian, now of all times?

 

“He requests a meeting”, Adaar said, handing Cullen the letter who quickly glanced over it. Not that he needed to. “Precisely because they’re not on good terms. But he is worried Dorian won’t come.”

 

“And so you think deceiving him is the right way to go?”, Cullen asked, referring to the letter’s contents.

 

“Actually, I don’t. But I’m not sure I’m the right person to tell him.” The Qunari hesitated, giving Cullen a moment to let it all sink in. “I believe it might be good to talk to him, considering he is family. I hear that is important to you.”

 

“It is”, he said. Qunari didn’t have families in the way others had, but the Inquisitor was right nevertheless. Whatever Dorian and his father’s differences were, perhaps they could be sorted out. Cullen could tell how unhappy his lover was about this. “I will talk to him. Thank you. For bringing this to me.”

 

“I see the way you look at each other”, Adaar said, smiling softly down at him. “You are the right person for this. He’ll need you.”

 

\------------------------------------------

 

Cullen didn’t get a chance immediately to give the letter to Dorian. At first he debated which would be the right time and then when he was just about to do it, the Inquisitor requested the mage’s company with him on an assignment. They were hunting Venatori and of course Dorian wouldn’t miss a chance to get rid of as many as he could.

 

The letter did say that someone would be waiting in Redcliffe for quite some time, so Cullen figured it wouldn’t hurt to let them wait a little longer. He also knew Dorian would most likely approve of such a plan, in some ways he could be childish.

 

He usually didn’t see Dorian off when he went with the Inquisitor, for they felt that if they said a proper goodbye, it would only increase the chances of one of them never returning. They both knew the risks, of course, and though they had already survived so much, the thought of either of them dying was a constant thing in the back of their minds.

 

It was different today though. Cullen saw the group from the battlements, still undergoing last minute preparations before they would leave. His feet suddenly moved on their own, and he found himself in front of them all too soon, the report for Leliana still in his hands.

 

Dorian gave him a strange look, before covering it with a smile.

 

“Commander”, he said. “Come to see us off?”

 

Behind him the Inquisitor raised an eyebrow and Cullen answered with the smallest shake of his head he could muster. Dorian still noticed though, and looked back and forth between them.

 

“Just ah…”, Cullen desperately tried to think of something to say. “Making sure you have everything you need.”

 

“I do believe so…”, Dorian trailed off, still trying to figure out what that strange exchange had been about. “Shouldn’t we be off?”

 

“Yes”, Adaar confirmed. “It shouldn’t be too long of a trip.”

 

The last bit was obviously addressed at Cullen.

 

“Yes I… will go back to my duties”, he said, turning on his heel. He wouldn’t say it. No goodbyes for them.

 

But he could do something else. He was halfway up the stairs when he turned around, jogging after the group almost through the gate. When he had caught up with Dorian he dropped his report, drawing the mage’s attention.

 

“Something the-” Dorian had halfway turned towards him, and Cullen wrapped an arm around his waist to turn him the rest of the way, pulling him close. There was only a fraction of a second of hesitation, but everyone in the Keep knew already - gossip travelled fast after all - so what did it matter if anyone saw?

 

He had caught Dorian by surprise, and he would think about that stunned look later, but for now he only leaned in to press his lips against his lover’s. Though he hadn’t been prepared for it, Dorian quickly followed, slinging his arms around Cullen’s neck as he slipped his tongue into his mouth.

Truly, he hadn’t thought this through, hadn’t planned on the kiss going this far - this heated - and the Inquisitor had to clear his throat loudly to make them even realize where they were.

 

Dorian came away flushed, his moustache just that little bit distorted, which he quickly amended.

 

“Yes”, was all Cullen could think of for a moment. For some reason he didn’t feel embarrassed, most likely because Dorian gave him that smirk again. He stooped to pick up the report, which was only slightly smudged with dirt. “Leliana is waiting for this.”

 

And with that he simply walked away.

 

“Before you ask, yes, that was fantastic”, he heard Dorian say. “You should all be very, very jealous.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

 

True to the Inquisitor’s word the group arrived back at Skyhold about a week later. During that time Cullen had thought of a million ways to break the news to Dorian, though none of them felt adequate. In the end he had decided to simply go with whatever came to him at the time.

 

He waited for Dorian to take his ritual ‘getting the travel dirt the bloody hell off of me’-bath and for him to eventually come into his study. It didn’t take long.

The mage stormed inside, and before Cullen had even fully realized he was here, Dorian was in his lap, rolling his hips against his own, making him gasp.

 

“I have not been able to stop thinking about that kiss”, Dorian said as he leaned down to press a kiss to Cullen’s jaw. “That was very, very naughty of you.”

 

“Maker, Dorian…”, Cullen couldn’t quite believe he was about to do this, but he had waited long enough. “S-stop.”

 

Dorian leaned back to frown down at him.

 

“Did you just tell me to stop?”, he asked. “I must have heard that wrong.”

 

“You didn’t”, Cullen insisted. “There’s something I have to tell you, should have done so sooner but there wasn’t the right time… I guess there never will be.”

 

“Goodness gracious, you’re pregnant!”

 

“This is not a joke, Dorian”, he said, fixing the mage with a stare that let him drop his sarcastic attitude in a second.

 

“All right, now you’re scaring me, love. What is it?”

 

Cullen leaned over to reach the drawer in his desk, an arm around Dorian’s waist to fix him in place, and pulled out the letter.

 

“This is a letter from your father”, he said, handing it to Dorian. “The Inquisitor thought that… I should tell you.”

 

Dorian instinctively got up, putting the desk between him and Cullen as he scanned the contents of the letter.

 

“This is ridiculous”, he eventually said. “And this man has been waiting in Redcliffe for how long exactly?”

 

“Hard to tell”, Cullen answered. “Over a week at least. I thought you’d appreciate letting him wait for a while.”

 

A small smile tugged at the corner of Dorian’s mouth.

 

“Yes…”, he hesitated. “I suppose it would be interesting to see who he brought to arrange this meeting. And how much he was paid to wait around just in case I showed up. You… will go with me?”

 

“If that’s what you want”, Cullen said, standing now too, but not quite closing the distance between them. Dorian seemed to need it.

 

The mage hesitated. First taking another look at the letter, than an even longer look at him.

 

“Yes”, Dorian finally said. “I think that would be good. Interesting, even.”

 

Interesting? An odd choice of words.

 

“Whatever you need.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

Cullen already had a bad feeling about Redcliffe’s inn when they stood in front of its doors. Despite the bustling in the streets, everything else was just… too quiet. It sent him on edge, hand resting on the hilt of his sword just in case.

 

Dorian was just as worried. Cullen could see him flex his fingers, magic just at their tips. That a possible meeting with his father could make him this worried told him everything he needed to know. Cullen was prepared for anything.

 

“Dorian…”, he started, but the mage shook his head.

 

Now or never, then.

 

It was Dorian who opened the door to the inn, and they both stepped inside. As Cullen had suspected, it was completely empty. It would have taken a lot of money to keep it this way for such a long time, so that could mean only one thing…

 

A figure slowly walked down the steps to the second floor. Mage robes, dark skin, features that were strikingly familiar…

 

“Father”, Dorian said, a bitterness in his voice Cullen had never expected to hear from him.

 

“This is… not the Inquisitor”, Halward Pavus said, referring to Cullen. Not exactly the opening he would have gone for.

 

“No, someone more important. To me.”

 

There was a glint of understanding in the magister’s eyes, followed by a disapproving frown. Though Cullen could only see Dorian’s back he could tell it made him angry, the way he tensed up further.

 

“May we speak in private?”, the magister asked.

 

Cullen took a step closer to Dorian.

 

“Maybe I should leave”, he suggested. This was a family matter, he would still be outside to be there if Dorian needed him.

 

“No”, Dorian said immediately, the anger clear in his voice. “Why does everything have to happen behind closed curtains? To hide the shame you feel?”

 

“Dorian please”, Halward started, but the mage didn’t let him speak.

 

“No this will be public, he should know.” Dorian turned to Cullen now. The pain he saw in the other man’s eyes made something in his chest hurt in a way he hadn’t felt before. He was about to reach out, to do anything to make it better but Dorian recoiled. For the first time ever.

 

“You know I prefer the company of men”, he said, voice shaky. “Well, my father doesn’t approve.”

 

“What?”, Cullen was surprised by that. Perhaps it was different in Tevinter, he hadn’t thought about it, but he had never experienced someone being judged by who they loved. “I thought you two just… That’s what this is about?”

 

“See? _This_ is how you’re supposed to react! You’re in disbelief because it _shouldn’t_ matter! But all he cares about is his precious legacy”, Dorian continued, eyes watering as he turned towards his father again. “ _He_ … He taught me blood magic was for the weaker mind, and _you_ , as soon as you found out you… tried to _change_ me.”

 

At that last sentence Dorian’s voice cracked, as did Cullen’s heart.

 

Change him? He didn’t know what it meant, but why, by the Maker’s love would someone try to do that to their child? Because of who they loved? How could a legacy ever be more important than your child’s happiness?

It was the most important thing, at least that’s what Cullen had always thought. As angry as his sister got with him for not writing as much as he should, she would never, ever do something like this. They were family. Family was there to support each other.

 

“I only thought I was doing what was best for you”, Halward said.

 

He didn’t even apologize. Now Cullen got angry, too. Dorian didn’t deserve this. He deserved people who loved him for who he was. If his family couldn’t provide that, maybe his family wasn’t what he needed.

 

Dorian had turned away, hands resting on a table as he tried to compose himself.

 

He had nothing but contempt for Dorian’s father. But he was still his father, and Cullen could tell how much it troubled his lover that they didn’t talk.

 

“Perhaps… you should let him talk?”, he suggested. The look he earned from Dorian made him think it was the wrong thing to have said, but shouldn’t he at least try? Maybe his father had changed… Some people were simply bad at apologies. Or maybe he didn’t want to talk in front of Cullen, who, to him, was a complete stranger.

 

Dorian sighed and straightened himself. He turned to face his father, but before he started to talk, he turned towards Cullen once more. He looked so sad, so desperate. Cullen wished he could do something, but what could there possibly be?

His lover nodded, and Cullen understood. It was time for him to leave.

 

“I will be right outside, Dorian.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

 

Cullen had paced in front of Redcliffe’s inn for about an hour, trying not to listen to the raised voices coming from inside. Though mostly it was just Dorian’s voice, his father seemed to be remarkably quiet.

 

Eventually the mage stormed out, banging the door behind him before coming to an abrupt halt. He took a deep, yet shaky breath, evidently trying to compose himself. Dorian’s eyes were still watery, but Cullen didn’t know if he was allowed to touch him yet. He still remembered the way he had recoiled from him earlier. He understood why of course, with a father who had such views, some of them might still be ingrained within his lover. It hurt him, almost physically hurt him that he had been treated like this.

 

“Let’s go back to Skyhold”, Dorian simply said. And off they went.

 

Cullen tried once or twice to initiate a conversation, but Dorian’s answers were curt, he was not in the mood, obviously, and he didn’t want to push. Which made the way back to Skyhold quite awkward.

 

“I need some time alone.” It was the first time Dorian had said an entire sentence to him, and they were already inside Skyhold’s gates. “I’ll find you… If that’s all right?”

 

He had hesitated before saying that last, simple sentence. Cullen appreciated this, Dorian had every right to demand time for himself, and yet he still asked for permission.

 

“Of course. You’ll know where I’ll be.”

 

As it turned out Cullen had no more time to worry about his lover. As soon as he had watched him walk out of sight he was bombarded with news, reports and questions. Requisitions needed to be filled, orders to renew, strategies to plan.

He might have regretted taking this time off, but Dorian was worth all of the stress in the world. To make up for it all he stayed up for almost three days straight, working through the weak spells he still sometimes got from lyrium withdrawal, through the nights and whatever else his body needed. He suspected the food that had mysteriously appeared on his desk may have been from Cole, sensing that he simply didn’t have time to go out and get some for himself.

 

Cullen wondered if the spirit would be able to somehow help Dorian. He could hear his thoughts, look inside to see what he was thinking… but no. It was wrong to ask him to do that. It was an invasion of privacy, Dorian wouldn’t forgive him.

 

But he didn’t need to.

 

Cullen had fallen asleep on his desk, only waking when a hand softly started to play with his hair, ever so lightly brushing through his curls.

He sat up abruptly, confused that he couldn’t see, until he realized that a page was stuck to his cheek. Some report or other, he could only make out that it was about the Western Approach. They needed a bridge… had he sent out men already? He had signed so many orders he couldn’t remember at the moment.

 

The page suddenly vanished, replaced by Dorian’s smile. It was different though. He looked sadder, and tired.

 

“Dorian!” The mage’s hand was still resting on the back of his neck, and his own hand came up to softly stroke along his arm.

 

“You are very adorable”, he said. “I think it is time for you to take a break.”

 

“Only if it means you’ll talk to me…”, he hesitated. He didn’t want to push but he was also convinced it wasn’t healthy to keep everything to himself. “Tell me about what you and your father talked about. Are you all right?”

 

“Not really”, Dorian admitted, still smiling. “I… He said we were alike, too much pride. Once I might have been glad to hear it, but not anymore. I don’t know if I can forgive him.”

 

Cullen pushed back his chair, an invitation for Dorian to sit in his lap. He was relieved when he took it, sitting down sideways. Carefully he wrapped his arm around the mage’s waist, prepared to give him space if he needed it. He didn’t recoil, but leaned into the touch, even let Cullen press a soft kiss to his cheek.

 

Dorian sighed.

 

“What exactly did he do?”, Cullen asked quietly, not sure if he was prepared for the answer.

 

“He… once he found out, he wanted to do a blood magic ritual.” Cullen’s stomach dropped. “To change my mind so that I would be… normal. The risk of me becoming a drooling vegetable apparently was preferable to scandal.”

 

“He wanted to do _what_?” Cullen’s blood was boiling. To think that he had encouraged Dorian to talk to that… monster. There was nothing wrong with Dorian, what kind of a person would even think about something like this?

 

“It was a long time ago”, Dorian said, but it was clear he didn’t mean it. Cullen could understand that he wouldn’t be able to forgive his father. How could he? “I was selfish, really, not wanting to scream on the inside for the rest of my life…”

 

He had tried to make it sound humorous, but it only...sounded sad.

 

“Please tell me you don’t really believe that”, Cullen said. “There is nothing wrong with you, you’re…”

 

“I don’t, love.” Hearing that word out of Dorian’s mouth made him relax for a moment, some of the tension he had been holding vanished. The mage gently brushed over his cheek, the simple touch sending a spark through him. “It just… it crushed me to think that he would even consider something like this. Who would I even be if he had gone through with it? I… wouldn’t like that Dorian, I think.”

 

“I think this Dorian is already perfect.”

 

That elicited a small smile from the mage, and a soft kiss to Cullen’s lips.

 

“What you must think of me now… after all this…” Dorian sighed, averting his gaze.

 

“I think you’re brave”, Cullen said, actually managing to surprise Dorian for once. “It’s not easy to walk your own path amongst all this.”

 

“Oh Cullen…”, Dorian’s breathing hitched and he was fighting the tears. “Thank you… thank you for everything.”

 

“I did nothing, I-”

 

His words were silenced by Dorian’s lips on his once more. Though they had kissed many, _many_ times before, this was somehow different. It was intense, full of emotion and need.

 

Needing _him_.

 

“Dorian”, he said against his lips. “I need you to listen to me, and to understand.”

 

The mage was confused, but he fixed him with his gaze, he had said this before, but he needed to say it again. Today of all days it was important.

 

“I. Love. _You_.” Cullen emphasized every word, trying to convey just how much love he had for this man, though he was certain no words in any language existed that could express just how much he did.

 

“Maker’s Breath Cullen…” A single tear rolled down Dorian’s cheek now, creating quite the dramatic effect. Even broken like this the man could look gorgeous. He slumped down now, perfect posture gone as he leaned against him, head resting on Cullen’s shoulder. “You’re… you…”

 

He was clutching at the fur on his armor. It was a rare sight to see the mage speechless.

 

“You don’t have to say anything. Though I might know a place that could help you calm down”, Cullen said. He hadn’t been there in years though. “It always helped me. We have dealings in Ferelden, if you’d like to accompany me.”

 

“You’re so exhausted you fell asleep at your desk, I am not letting you leave until you take a break”, Dorian insisted as he was playing with the fur on his armor.

 

“I will take a break there”, Cullen said, gently tilting Dorian’s head up by his chin. “I promise.”

 

“I will just have to make sure then”, Dorian sighed and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “When do we leave?”

 

“I shall make a few arrangements and then we’ll go.”

 

They were both exhausted, but the Inquisition didn’t sleep. This time Cullen left instructions for his absence, trying to reduce the chaos that would ensue if he left for too long. Though for this trip it was actually a decent idea for him to go along, to better organize the relief efforts his soldiers had been requested for in Ferelden. If it coincided with a short trip to a nice place that could help him and his love relax, all the better.

 

His soldiers were clearly wondering why a mage would accompany them, but as their relationship was known in the Keep by now, none of them openly questioned it. Despite Dorian’s emotional state he had put on his usual mask, his easy going manner, his jokes lightened the soldier’s moods, and morale seemed higher than usual.

 

Cullen could feel Dorian’s eyes on him whenever he issued orders and when he turned, there was always that glint in them. That glint that promised hours and hours of pleasure for him, making him straighten up just that bit more, made him make his voice just that little bit more commanding. Of course the mage noticed, making him smirk in that way of his and despite their travelling, both of them felt a little bit lighter, a little bit less exhausted.

 

No one had ever been able to make Cullen feel like this. Despite everything, he felt like taking on a horde of Darkspawn if he had to.

 

It had been a while since he had gone out with his soldiers, as he was usually reduced to organizing them. Having Dorian along was good for another reason… to help him through his weak spells. Sometimes he was able to anticipate them, but more often than not they took him by surprise.

By now Dorian knew the signs though, his grim stare, the way his grip tightened on his horse’s reins. Some of them were over quite quickly, and he could assure the mage with a soft smile, but other times they lingered, could even make his vision fade. Dorian was always by his side then, gently making sure he wouldn’t fall out of his saddle. He was extremely skilled at making up excuses for them to stop as well, suggesting it loudly so Cullen would only have to nod in agreement.

He managed to hide most of the pain he felt from his soldiers, he couldn’t show any weakness in front of them, needed to be a symbol of strength. Dorian’s touch helped immensely. He had no idea how he did it, if he used any magic or if it was simply… him. Nevertheless he was glad that the mage was here. He always was when they were side by side.

 

When everything was said and done, soldiers organized, orders to return to Skyhold once their task was done, the two of them made their way back, but not without taking a little detour.

 

Some of the paths Cullen had known so well during his youth were a little overgrown now, but he still found his way. Dorian never asked where they were going, whether it was sleep deprivation or his trust in Cullen, he didn’t know. Though it was strange that he didn’t complain about the dirt that was surely on his robes by now.

Either way, they soon ended up at the lake he had spent so much time running away from his siblings. Dorian sighed as they walked out onto the pier, the wood beneath them not as strong as it once had been.

 

“This is gorgeous”, the mage said, coming up to Cullen’s side. Without looking he reached out, slipping his hand into his own, intertwining their fingers. “How do you know of it?”

 

“I grew up near here”, he said, looking out over the lake, the half sunk statue, wind softly ruffling its surface. “I came here to clear my head, to get away from my very loud siblings.”

 

“Oh I can just imagine it.” Dorian chuckled. “Tiny, curly haired Commander, playing with pebbles but still with a serious expression. Probably wearing armor, too, and a little toy sword.”

 

“That’s really not how it was.” Cullen had to laugh. It felt good to do that. He turned to look at Dorian, who was smiling too. Not the mask he had worn since they had returned from Redcliffe, this was real. “Though… You do give me more reason to smile.”

 

“Oh, love… You flatter me.” Dorian hesitated. “Do continue.”

 

The sun shone brightly today, warm on Cullen’s skin and he wondered if it was enough to be able to swim today. He had done so before, and the small island in the middle of the lake, with its half sunken statue offered a little bit of privacy, if anyone else bothered to make the trip here.

 

“How about a swim instead?”, he asked. “You already know how amazing you are.”

 

“Ah but I do like to hear it.” Dorian grinned and knelt, testing the water with his hand. “Why not? It seems warm enough, and it would be nice to get the travel filth off.”

 

Dorian was out of his robes quite quickly, then proceeded to help Cullen out of his armor, speeding up that process as well. There was still a barrell out on the pier, into which they put their clothes - just in case. The second that was done Dorian didn’t hesitate to push Cullen into the lake, but he caught on quickly, grabbing the mage’s arm just in time to pull him with him.

 

“How dare you-”, Dorian started, not surprising Cullen with his offended tone even though _he_ had been the one to start this. But he stopped him mid sentence by pushing him underwater again, following immediately to kiss him like this. It was silly, not fitting the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces and a powerful mage from Tevinter, and yet he loved it.

 

It was short lived however, as they both needed to break the lake’s surface again for air.

 

“Well”, Dorian gasped, for once not with perfectly styled hair. “I shall forgive you then.”

 

“I’m so glad”, Cullen replied, grinning widely. “Come on, follow me.”

 

He started to swim towards the little island in the lake, hearing Dorian follow him. As he pushed himself up to get onto it, he heard the mage hum appreciatively behind him. He only slightly blushed as he turned to help him up.

Cullen was surprised by how comfortable he was to be naked out in the open like that. But for some reason this place was safe in his mind, from all the evil out there, or simply other people.

 

Together they laid down in the grass, letting it tickle their skin and the sun warm them. Soon enough Dorian wormed his way into Cullen’s arms, letting his head rest on his chest.

 

“Do you feel a little better?”, Cullen asked softly.

 

“I do”, he replied, voice just as quiet. “Thanks to you, love.”

 

“I didn’t really-”

 

“Oh do shut up and just accept it, will you?” The mage punched him ever so lightly, no real force behind it.

  
“Well there was one more thing I wanted to do…”, Cullen said, his blush coming back. He had done this before of course, but still.

 

“Oh?”

 

He gently pushed Dorian from his chest, prompting him to lay back onto the grass.

 

First things first, Cullen thought, as he positioned himself over Dorian, hands resting on either side of the mage’s head as he leaned in for a kiss. Searching out the mage’s tongue, exploring his mouth, kissing him so deeply, so intensely he shuddered beneath him. His intentions were clear as he slid his tongue along Dorian’s upper lip, making the mage gasp before he started to trail kisses down his still wet skin. Along the drops still clinging to it, down, always further down, only briefly stopping to flick his tongue over his nipple, to once lightly bite down on that spot on his hip he liked so much.

 

“Ah”, Dorian gasped. “Your talents would have been entirely wasted in that stupid order…”

 

“And yet you’re still talking…”, Cullen mumbled against the mage’s abs. “Which evidently means I have to try harder.”

 

“Oh please, _please_ do…”

 

While his own tongue wasn’t quite as skilled as Dorian’s, he had still picked up quite a few things since they had gotten together. Like the way the mage shuddered beneath him if he traced the lines of his abs with his tongue, or the way he moaned when he playfully bit him, and the way he moaned even louder if he sucked on that exact spot.

 

By the time his trails of kisses got him to the mage’s cock he was already hard. Any reservations about being with a man had long since vanished and so he didn’t hesitate to lick ever so slowly along Dorian’s length. For once he would be the one to tease.

 

“C- hngh…”

 

Cullen silently congratulated himself on making the mage speechless. His mouth was busy doing other things.

He let his tongue drag just as slowly over the tip, already tasting the salty precome there. Though he had never actually admitted to it, he _loved_ that taste, loved when Dorian came all over him, marking him as the mage’s. If he could, he would lick up every last drop.

 

Thinking about that made him not want to tease Dorian any longer, made him impatient and so he parted his lips, carefully taking him into his mouth. He still had to concentrate on his breathing but he _knew_ he was good at this.

As he went lower he let his tongue drag along Dorian’s cock, feeling him get even harder underneath his touch.

Halfway down he switched, dragging his lips back up with increased pressure. Dorian’s moans filled the air around them, the mage’s hands came up to grasp Cullen’s hair, desperately clinging and tugging on it.

 

The _noises_ that man could make, Cullen thought, it did things to him, made him just as hard as his lover and encouraged him.

Encouraged him to take Dorian into his mouth again, to move lower and lower until he had taken all of him in. He could feel his cock hit the back of his throat, but feeling Dorian’s breathing become this erratic, his grip on Cullen’s hair tightening as his moans tumbled more freely and more frequently from his lips, made it all just that much more exquisite.

He started to move in earnest now, bobbing his head up and down with increasing speed. Dorian bucked his hips, pushed Cullen further down when he didn’t quite make it all the way, but he let him. Let the mage use him if that’s what he wanted, what he needed.

 

Dorian was getting close. Cullen knew the signs, his breath hitching, his moans just a little bit different as he tried to somehow communicate just what was happening. The better Cullen got at this, the less the mage was able to do so.

He let him push him down onto his cock once more, let him come inside his mouth, relishing the salty, wonderful taste spreading on his tongue. He waited until Dorian was spent before he slowly dragged his lips along his length one final time.

 

Cullen looked up, saw that Dorian was watching him swallow. Without breaking eye contact he leaned down, licked off every last drop still remaining on his cock.

 

“Oh…”, Dorian moaned, letting his head fall back onto the grass.

 

Cullen reversed the trail of kisses from earlier, making his way along the mage’s chest and back to his lips, letting him taste himself.

 

“My…”, Dorian breathed. It took him a few more moments to compose himself. “You are quite hungry for come, aren’t you?”

 

“Only for yours”, Cullen corrected, trying to ignore the slight blush he could feel in his cheeks.

 

“How do you manage to make even that sound ridiculously romantic?”, he asked, slightly shaking his head as he pulled the blonde down into another kiss.

 

“Must be my secret talent…”, Cullen mumbled against his lips, taking in a sharp breath as he felt Dorian’s hand on his cock. “Like… ah… like that thing you do with your hips or...or…”

 

It was hard for him to keep talking when the mage was stroking him like this, adding just the right pressure, flicking his thumb over the tip of his cock - a sure way to always make him moan.

 

“Go on”, Dorian whispered, not slowing down his movements.

 

“Or that smirk you do”, Cullen had closed his eyes, concentrating on the friction Dorian produced. A warmth was slowly spreading through his body that had nothing to do with the sun. “That smirk that… makes me want to bend you over and fuck you but at the same time - ah. It, it makes me want to fall on my knees and let you do whatever you want to me, as long as I get to taste you.”

 

He hadn’t really been able to talk like this before, though Dorian had gently tried to push him to do it once or twice. But moaning openly had taken a while for him to adjust to, talking dirty was a whole other level he hadn’t been able to reach… yet.

Right now he would most likely say anything if it meant Dorian would keep pumping him like that, moving his wrist just in the right way. They knew each other’s bodies so well by now.

Which is why Dorian knew just when to push Cullen away from him, to make him kneel just before he came.

 

“Now it’s my turn”, Dorian whispered in his ear and he moved down, stroking Cullen just a few more times until he too, tensed up and let the warmth rush through him. He barely noticed the mage’s lips around his cock, too wrapped up was he in that wave of pleasure that made him grasp helplessly at the grass beneath him.

 

A few moments later the black veil lifted from his eyes and he saw Dorian before him, a drop of Cullen’s own come still stuck to the corner of his mouth.

 

“Maker’s breath…”, he muttered as he leaned in, carefully licking it off. The motion turned into a kiss, chaste at first until they tasted each other on their tongues and Cullen pushed the mage back down. He couldn’t get enough of that taste, he was hungry for it. So hungry Dorian eventually had to push him away, gasping for air.

 

“Definitely…”, Dorian said between pants. “In the… top three… kisses…wow.”

 

“Top three?”, he asked, breathless himself. “I think I can make that number one.”

  
They were both grinning as they leaned in again, everything else long since forgotten.


End file.
